Robots 1 v love 0

Several years ago I broke a promise to myself.  I said I would never allow myself to feel an emotion.  That promise was made as a boy and lasted through becoming a man.  I had girlfriends, relationships and even a marriage without breaking the promise I had made. The promise was that if I didn't feel anything for anyone I would be numb and if I was numb then I could never feel pain.  It was an anaesthetic for the soul. And it worked for a very long time, I survived a number of relationships, had a Son, that went South, bumped into an ex, married her and had another child. The birth of the children were the cracks which began my initial downfall. Going from nothing to unconditional love is a quantum leap, and it shocked me, at the same time it was natural so it caused no drama.  I embraced it for what it was and it was amazing. 18 months later I was hit by a comet. Without warning one day, I was hit in the middle of my chest with a feeling. I failed to recognise it to start with , I denied it, acknowledging it would be like sticking my head out of the trench and that is exactly what it was.  It was love and it was everything you see in a movie. It stopped me like a cannonball.  Imagine going to sleep with a massive smile on your face knowing you will wake up with the same. Just hearing their name makes your heart beat so hard that your chest hurts, seeing them walk into a room makes you so happy you could cry. Knowing that you don't care if anybody in the world exists apart from that person. Willingness to sacrifice absolutely anything just to see that person smile.  Well, I felt that and more but am not liking to tell anyone anything they don't already know. Suffice to say it went wrong, totally my fault for many reasons. I got ill and freaked out, she had her reasons which I respect. She was too nice, I had to pretend to upset her so she would live the life she deserves. Sacrificing my own feelings so that she can be happy. Not bad for a kid who promised not to feel a thing ever. Regrets? Many. Happy? No. I learned a lesson. The 8 year old me probably had the right idea .