On the same note however, in a strange way I am not ashamed to have been that way for so long. Don't get me wrong, I lost everything and quite rightly so. However, I was blessed with the opportunity to look within myself and decide what sort of person I want to be and decide how that will come to be.
I am always conscious that they could return at some point but I take every action I can in life to avoid this.
Those dark and evil thoughts that haunted me and ruled my actions and was unapologetic in their attempt to destroy me will live long in the memory.
I am 100% sure that I have come out of the other end a better person. Understanding the depths to which the human mind can work independently of its host is really an eye opener. I have a new found respect for life, other people and that emotion should be embraced rather than suppressed. There is no shame in admitting a weakness or a shortcoming, just as there is not in showing your strengths.
It's only once you have taken yourself to the edge of yourself do you fully realise the complexity of your existence.
Far from now feeling ashamed or guilty. I feel that I have now become a well rounded, empathetic human. Something that anyone who knew me previous to the darkness would never have known me to be. Having experienced this, all I can offer to those who are now treading a similar path is to hold on, trust your own mind and remember that you are not alone in this. However much you have pushed all your loved ones away and isolated yourself. The ones who are willing to take the time to allow you this journey will be there when you emerge as the person you want and deserve to be.
