New dawn.........

So, finished with the hospital and am allegedly all fixed. After my procedure I had the most concentrated headache I have experienced. Imagine the worst migraine you have ever had, add a hangover and multiply by 5 and you have an idea if what I mean. That lasted for a couple of days.  Then that cleared like mist lifting from a lake and clarity entered my long confused mind.  I am truly excited and daunted at this prospect. Excited because my future thoughts and feelings will not be clouded or confused and that hopefully this will lead to happiness at some point. Daunted because there is a trail of mess behind me caused by the last few months and years.  The pain and suffering I have caused others will forever lay heavy in my heart and no apology or action could ever fix.  I cannot go forward looking back so I can only think positively and learn from this and promise myself that I will do everything for the right reasons.  Today was the first time I can remember for a long time that I have laughed purely and unconsciously just as an instinctive reaction.  Something that I took for granted for many years until the ability deserted me.  To have it back was an amazing feeling and one that I cannot wait to experience for many years to come.  To have gut feelings and not having to force or construct emotional response is always a roller coaster as some can be good and some not so much but I cannot wait to see where it takes me. It has taken a lot to get to this point and a lot of terrible sacrifices have been made but that's how it had to be to get here.  So I stand on the starting line of the rest of my life, sober, cured and hopeful. At the moment that is all I have got but it's more than I had. For that I am eternally grateful to the Doctors who put me back together and what ever higher power deemed me worthy of the opportunity. I will not waste it.