Well, after a dramatic weekend filled with me being, very drunk and obnoxious I have now dried out and feel a bit silly but a bit better. 2 days on the sofa attempting to dissolve my liver I now feel a bit of self loathing was just what I needed. I know it was the at the expense of what ever little love and respect that those around me still felt, but you know what? that has been in decline over the last couple of years anyway and was probably undeserved.
So, the answer is not in the bottom of a bottle, a glass or a can. My quest for self worth must continue and I have started today by looking for some voluntary work. In these days where we are bombarded by MP's about the so called Big Society, I have spent 4 hours trawling the Internet, willing to undertake any menial task in exchange for a drop of self respect. I have hit a bit of a wall at the moment but it seems you need to be fluent in at least nine languages and have a pilot's licence to help in a soup kitchen.
However, I remain undeterred, tomorrow there is a meeting for people to volunteer locally, so assuming I can possibly help an elderly person with the gardening or go and take someones library books back without having a PHD in the translation of ancient Inca wood carvings in to Swedish then I might have a chance.
So a dry day both indoors and out ahead and I will continue my search. Chin up friends.
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