Home life was hard. I had a young baby and a Son, he was 8. My Son was from a different mother who had various psychiatric issues, as yet undiagnosed. During the time I had known her it had come to my attention that she had hurt him several times through various methods. She had held him under his own bath water, placed a pillow over his head and smacked him, all unknown to me and all before the poor little fellow was 18 months. After over a dozen court visits, most of which were very traumatic it was decided by the judge that he would be better off living with her, during such time I had sole care of him, potty trained him, taught him to speak and had a wonderful time just himself and I. After the ruling, he was placed in the care of his mother and I was to have joint custody of him for 3 days and 2 nights per week. Within a week of this ruling, my ex partner had decided that she would not agree to this ruling and I never saw him for 3 years. As it happened, upon walking from my work in Ipswich to the station one cold January evening I received a phone call. I took the illuminated phone from my black duffel coat and placed it to my ear. The number had come up withheld, traditionally I would ignore such numbers but a wretch in the lower part of my stomach compelled me to answer the call. A warm sounding lady called Kate introduced herself as the case worker for my Son, apparently his mother had been admitted to a psychiatric unit near to my home and she wanted to get the paperwork going so that my ex partners' new husband could adopt my Son as she had been told I no longer wanted to be a part of his life. In shock, I explained that this had never been the case and despite a court granting me joint custody of my Son, I had never had the privilege of these undertakings been met, despite numerous telephone calls, my access to my Son had always been denied to me. From there another set of meetings was put in place. The first was to be held at a family centre, in attendance were to be, Parents and significant others, teachers from his school, health care professionals acting on behalf of both my ex partner and my Son. With both trepidation and excitement both I and my wife attended this meeting, it was held on a cold and grey Wednesday February morning at a local authority family centre in an adjoining town. At this meeting, the true extent of my former partner's mental health had become apparent. During the time she had denied me contact she had become a self harmer, she had also taken many overdoses of the anti psychotic drugs she had been prescribed, this had led to social services becoming involved as she had been admitted for psychiatric analysis many times. During this meeting I heard an endless list of scenarios to which my Son had been exposed. I felt sick to the pit of my stomach hearing them, it was revealed he had been neglected both psychologically and physically. Having not been given the grace to be explained any of these events prior to this meeting and having nothing to offer other than proof of my clean criminal record and a thorough drugs evaluation (it had been claimed by my ex that I was a habitual user of amphetamines at a prior court case, which I passed for every substance within the proceeding 7 years) it was deemed that I should be given supervised contact with him at the local contact centre. He was also placed on the "at risk" register whilst the relevant people continued their investigations.
The meetings went well. It was a wonderful to be reintroduced to my Son, we played games, had conversations and read. What really hurt was the fact he was so timid toward me. A combination of lies told by his mother and the confusion of the current situation had led him to be both shy and guarded toward me. Regardless of the heightened feelings I continued to attend the meetings, mostly held at his school, during which his mother and her mother in law became increasingly erratic as the truth of the life my Son had became apparent. After half a dozen of these meetings and despite the raised voices, threats and ill truths it was decided that for the benefit of my Son both he and hi mother could come to my house on his birthday and we would have a barbecue to celebrate.
On the day, my Son, his mother and stepfather duly attended. We smiled and together celebrated his special day, without incident, the day went as well as I had hoped. However, the following day there was a call from the social worker while I was at work. She told me that there had been an "incident" following the barbecue and that could my Son come and stay with me, otherwise they would have to make other arrangements. Without hesitation I agreed, I left my place of work soon after and arrived home at the same time he was being dropped off. I will never forget he had a very small suitcase with him containing some ill fitting clothes and a couple of toys.
From that point on he has stayed in the care of this household, away from the squalor and uncertainty of his previous life. At least now he is both happy and safe, I will go on and explain what happened next, just speaking about this has been hard so need to stop soon. As for his mother, she continues to have severe mental issues and I wish her no harm, however she will never be allowed to withhold or harm my little boy again.
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